Went to Monk Chat and learned a great lesson about myself. A guy there shared that he was raised Catholic and every week he was required to go to confession and that he would lie so he had a sin to tell, even if he had thought he not sinned. – That’s what I did many times.
That I had built the foundation for my future on faulty judgments that I would follow for the rest of my life. First I thought I had to tell a lie to be accepted, then after telling one I carried the guilt I thought was associated with it because I also believed lying was a sin and deserved punishment. I looked at the church as hypocritical and not that I was doing this to myself – Lies, resentments and more lies. They did not condone lying. I had imagined a future world here lying was acceptably and that is how I would fit in. I thought this was strength but it was WEAKNESS.
What a vicious circle. Only one from outside the illusion could help me recover, like the example I was shown in AA. The ONLY one that can truly understand and offer a way out is another alcoholic – one who has done it – one who has walked the path of recovery. Jesus (The Christ) is my example for recovery from the dream. If He can make it, so can I if I follow in His footsteps. That is what He said and that is what I am finding as True as I give myself over. “Ask and you will receive” – I had never really asked until now – NOW I listen and try not to judge as others share their thoughts so that I can remember and correct what I stored away as my truths, never to question, and thereby rebuild my foundation.
God Bless Ciao