Today I was reminded of an incident that happened in my early sobriety. I started in AA by attending a small weekly meeting at a church in Pacifica, California. I really didn’t want to be there but went anyway. I stood in the back, angrily, and didn’t mingle. One of the Big Problems was the HIGHER POWER concept. I was a doubting Thomas and had a hard time facing my distrust in religions, particularly Christianity. If there is a God, He had to prove it to me.
After several months, at the end of the meeting, I was approached by a guy who came and explained that he didn’t know why but he was directed to give me $20 and that I would need it, and then just walked away. I was puzzled but what the hell 20 is 20. Surprisingly the next day I DID need the 20, it solved a problem that came up.
To make a long story short, this continued each week for 9 weeks. One of the weeks he told me that he couldn’t sleep unless he gave me the money. He said he had never done anything like this before and added belligerently “don’t get used to it as it was NOT go on forever”. I asked him who was directing him and he said “don’t you realize that Jesus loves you”. Needless to say I was shocked but puzzled. At this time I had no job and was living out of my car, but tried to make sure no one knew it. Every week this happened and I ALWAYS had a need for the money.
On the 10th week, I didn’t see him at the meeting, and as usual after the meeting we would all hang out in front of the church to chat. As everyone cleared out, in came a car with a real drunk guy asking about the meeting. I told him that it was over but come back next week. I then asked him if he had eaten and he said he didn’t have any money left. I reached in my pocked and gave him a $20 to get some gas and food and he drove away. As I was getting in my car my benefactor walked around the corner and just waved, no money but a smile, in fact I never saw him again. To this day I get chills when I think what happened. I knew him as Darrel but now I know who he really was.
I am learning my lesson – giving out of gratitude, not for reward. Giving and Receiving are the same. If we are really all ONE in Christ then we can ONLY give to ourselves. If we put ANY restriction on giving it is NOT giving but merely a loan. We can have no idea how much the simple act of giving freely to another will affect them – ONLY God know – Look, Listen, and Do Not Judge !
God bless Christ Bless I Bless
P>S> I just looked up “Darrel” in Name meaning and Origin: “In American Baby Names the meaning of the name Darrel is: Darling, dearly loved, from the Old English ‘deorling’”