As you can probably tell from the blog, I am a great believer in faith. Trying to live in faith in this world can be very difficult – for example, my continuing episodes with high blood pressure and blocked arteries. All I can see was operations I couldn’t afford, medicines that didn’t seem to work and actually made me feel sicker, and more importantly reduced libido. I was really concerned about the diminished libido – fix the BP but destroy the rest of my life – wow. – that seemed like a wonderful ending. – Faith ? Faith in what? Yet in the back of my mind was always the quiet voice telling me that I was God’s Son, watched over and Loved – so dim that it was only detectable in my moments of prayer.
Thank God I had my readings in ACIM – this really helped and showed me the light at the end of the tunnel – for example from the TEXT Chapter 18 – verse2:
“Never approach the holy instant after you have tried to remove all fear and hatred from your mind. That is <its> function. Never attempt to overlook your guilt before you ask the Holy Spirit’s help. That is <His> function. Your part is only to offer Him a little willingness to let Him remove all fear and hatred, and to be forgiven. On your little faith, joined with His understanding, He will build your part in the Atonement and make sure that you fulfill it easily. And with Him, you will build a ladder planted in the solid rock of faith, and rising even to Heaven. Nor will you use it to ascend to Heaven alone. 3. Through your holy relationship, reborn and blessed in every holy instant you do not arrange, thousands will rise to Heaven with you. Can you plan for this? Or could you prepare yourself for such a function? Yet it is possible, because God wills it. Nor will He change His Mind about it. The means and purpose both belong to Him. You have accepted one; the other will be provided. A purpose such as this, without the means, is inconceivable. He will provide the means to anyone who shares His purpose.”
I have always tried to do the right thing, forgive, see the world through forgiveness – To Do Something – To Fight the Fight, – Conquer the Fear, – Walk through with Faith – and yet here I am being told that I need be but willing to let God remove my fear, hatred and be forgiven. The Twelve Steps showed me how to take an inventory and admit my errors and limitations – offer them to God and put faith that I will be taken care of. And that includes my health.
This was proven once again to me when last Friday, I went to set the appointment for the stent operation for the coming Sunday. There I was told I also needed to come back with 250,000 Baht, which I didn’t have – now a sequence of events started that I could not have dreamed of – first: that day I had an eye infection – had to cancelled the operation – then when I was getting the medicine for my eyes I asked the Dr. about the edema in my leg and he suggested I switch to Valpress instead of my current BP medicine – what a difference – edema gone, blood pressure steady all day, no glaring side effects so far – kidney function seems to be getting better – need to check after being on Valpress for about a week or two – if working – NO OPERATION needed. Trust in God, is all I can say – Give Him your fear, guilt, anxiety, doubt, hatred and wait for the miracle. It will come, maybe not as planned but in a way that can benefit all. A Holy Instant.