Category: Joke

Sawadee Khrap

I was just going through some old photos and here’s a great shot I made while visiting the “The Red Rose” motel in Chiang Rai last year.  I thought this was really funny but very appropriate for a ‘short time hotel’ as the Red was then. 

Now place has been completely redone and in my mind, nothing of its former glory. No longer touted as a short timer, It’s now a “family theme motel”, tame and not as exciting – unless you take your kids there, I’m sure they will enjoy it.   We liked it the first time we went but there were many choices to choose from for room themes – some adult in nature – times change, businesses need to cater to a different audience.

Nothing like telling it as it is – “Love Catcher”

Here the older post link to the former glory of the “Red Rose”

Ciao

 

Sawadee Khrap

A man was in a coma. he had been in it for months. Nurses were in his room giving him a bed bath. One of them was washing his private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched him there.

They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement.

They went to his partner and explained what happened, telling him, ‘As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little ‘0ral sex’ will do  the trick & bring him out of the coma.’

The partner was skeptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy.  The partner finally agreed and went into his spouse’s room. After a few minutes the guy’s monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run back into the room. ‘What happened!?’ they cried.

The partner said,  ‘I’m not sure; maybe he choked.

NEVER ASSUME THAT EVERYONE UNDERSTAND.

 

Ciao

 

Here’s one from Jerry:

Poke and prod the spider with your mouse , also ‘grab’ one of its legs with your mouse and drag it around the screen– 

Tell me it’s not alive!

When you grab one of his legs, twirl him around a couple of times and then “fling” him off the page.  Watch and he’ll crawl back onto the page somewhere. Also anywhere on the map hit the space bar and it leaves little bugs, watch the spider go after it, this is totally crazy and creepy too! Do several in a row and he gets them all!

—– SPIDER —-

Ciao

 

Sawadee Khrap

First a little humor:

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that ‘Captain Marvel has asked me to announce that he’ll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.’

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn’t moved a muscle. ‘Perhaps you didn’t hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.’

She calmly turned her head and said, ‘In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one.’

To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat,

 
‘Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I’m called a Queen, so I out rank you. Tray-up, Bitch.

Now the serious stuff:

 

Check out American Airlines Rainbow policy.

and another article:

Commerical Closet: American Airlines Flies First Gay Print Ads.

 

just thought I give credit where credit is due.

Ciao

 

 

 

Sawadee Khrap

Always check the fine print

Johnny wanted to screw a guy in his office…..but he belonged to someone else…

One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to him and said I’ll give you a $1000 dollars if you let me screw you….but the guy said NO.

Johnny said I’ll be fast, I’ll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, I’ll be finished by the time you pick it up. He thought for a moment and said that he would have to consult his boyfriend…..so he called his boyfriend and told him the story. His boyfriend says to ask him for $2000 dollars, pick up the money very fast, he won’t even be able to get his pants down.

So he agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his boyfriend to call. Finally after 45 mins the boyfriend calls and asks what happened……

He said “The bastard used coins”

Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal in it’s entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed.

 

Ciao

Sawadee Khrap

Getting Old

There was a man who really took care of his body.  One day he took a look in the mirror and noticed that he was tan all over except for his penis.  So he decided to do something about it.  He went to the beach and got completely undressed and buried himself in the sand except for his penis, which he left sticking out.

Two old ladies were strolling along the beach, one using a cane.  Upon seeing the thing sticking up out of the sand, she began to move it around with her cane, remarking to the other lady, “There is no justice in this world.” The other lady asked what she meant.

 “Well, when I was 20, I was curious about it. 
  When I was 30, I enjoyed it.
  When I was 40, I asked for it.
  When I was 50, I paid for it.
  When I was 60 I prayed for it.
  When I was 70, I forgot all about it. 
  Now I’m 80 and the damn things are growing wild and I am do old to squat!”

 

Ciao

 

Sawasdee Khrap

One of our friends heads up a Chiang Mai Dinning Out Group and sends out a weekily newsletter and “weekly Funnies” – some I think are really good and so I will post them throughout the blog – hope you enjoy too.

Lets kick it off with:

ADVICE FROM MEDICARE 

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers. ‘Mrs. Sanders, please.’  ‘Speaking.’
 
‘Mrs. Sanders, this is Dr. Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory.
When your husband’s doctor sent his biopsy to our lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived  as well. We are uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.’

‘What do you mean?’ Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

‘Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer’s and the
other one tested positive for HIV. We can’t tell which is which.’
 
‘That’s dreadful! Can you do the test again?’ questioned Mrs. Sanders.
 
‘Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay one time for these tests.’
 
‘Well, what am I supposed to do now?’

‘The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off  somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don’t sleep with him.’

Ciao

 

Sawadee Khrap

Jerry sent me another :  Can’t read the author’s name, the JPG is so pixelated – so I’ll put it up and if they email to remove, I’ll take it down.

 

enjoy:  Nice Photoshop work – or Painter, not sure

 

 

 

 

 

Ciao.

 

Sawadee Khrap

Jerry’s done it again – sent me this – Hope you enjoy:

For  all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the  way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

At a  recent computer expo (COMDEX),Bill Gates reportedly compared  the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, 
‘If GM had kept up with technology like the computer  industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that get 1,000  miles to the gallon.’

In  response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press  release stating:  (Sorry, I don’t have a link to the copy)

If  GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be  driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part ):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash…….. 
Twice  a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car. 

3.  Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason.  You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would  simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine. 

5.  Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive – but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would  all be replaced by a single ‘This Car Has Performed An Illegal  Operation’ warning light. 

I love the next one!!! 

7.  The airbag system would ask ‘Are you sure?’ before deploying. 

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car  would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you  simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and  grabbed hold of the radio antenna. 

9.  Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to  learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls  would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10.  You’d have to press the ‘Start’ button to turn the engine off.

PS – I’d like to add that when all else fails, you could call ‘ customer  service’ in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign language how to fix your car yourself!!!!

Please share this with your friends who love – but sometimes hate – their computer!

Ciao

 

Sawadee Khrap

I just got a email from Jerry – Jerry was a seaman before he retired and therefore knows a plethera of sea related facts.  But, Here’s one he sent that apparently even he didn’t know:

 It was necessary to  keep a good supply of cannon balls near the cannon on old war ships.   

 But how to prevent them from rolling about the deck was the problem.   

 The best storage method devised was to stack them as a square based pyramid,  

 with one ball on top, resting on four, resting on nine, which rested on sixteen.

Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be  stacked in a small area right next to the cannon.  

 There was only one  problem — how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding/rolling from under the others.

 The solution was a metal plate with 16 round  indentations, called, for reasons unknown, a Monkey.  

 But if this plate  were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it.  

 The  solution to the rusting problem was to make them of brass – hence,  Brass Monkeys.

 Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much  more and much faster than iron when chilled.   

 Consequently, when  the temperature dropped too far,  

 the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannon balls would come right off the monkey.

Thus, it was quite literally, cold enough to freeze the  balls off a brass monkey.  

 And all this time, you thought that was just  a vulgar expression, didn’t you? 

 

Thanks Jerry –

Ciao