Uneasy times

Sawadee Khrap

I have to admit that I am really bothered by the breakup – there have only been 2 people in my life that I can say I really loved  – Sharon, a long time ago while I was still straight – and this one.  Both will leave lasting memories and scars.  And I don’t mean the childhood fantasy romantic love but a strong desire to share one’s life, desires, sorrows, understandings,  happiness, and share a common future.  Age doesn’t make a difference here – it’s also one of those things that you can love someone even if they do not have the same feelings for you.  If they show affection and happiness being with you, share their feelings, and don’t hid you to the world – open about the relationship then perhaps it can work – I wish that was the case here. 

I have learned through AA that secrets can kill and ruin the future.  Sharing ones feelings  can soften the situation and hopefully time will lessen the pain. I am glad I feel this way because it does show that I can love again – for years after the breakup with Sharon I didn’t even considered another partnership – coming out and starting again as a gay man,  I did try to have 2 relationships here in Chiang Mai, but they were disasters.  Nevertheless, I will try to meet someone again.   I’m finding that so far that could be difficult because I immediately compare them to him.  That’s not fair for anyone but I’m afraid its something I still can’t control.   But I think sharing here today will allow me to move on.

Just finished my weekly oil massage and getting ready to go to a Thanksgivings Dinner  (brunch) with a close friend.  Thankful of what God has already done in my life and that I am in a place where gay love between different ages can still prevail.      —  HAPPY THANKSGIVING.