Month: April 2009

Sawadee Khrap –    Thanks Max for this update.

European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”.

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

Ciao

Sawadee Khrap

WYOMING STATE TROOPERS

Gotta love then boys!!!!!

In most of the Northern States, there is a policy of checking on any stalled vehicle on the highway when the temperatures drop in the single digits or below.  One morning in March 2004 about 3 A.M. a Wyoming State Trooper responded to a call of a car off the sholder on the outside of the town of Casper

The Trooper located the car, with the engine still running, stuck in the deep snow along the side of the highway.  Pulling in behind it with his emergency lights on, the Officer walked to the driver’s door to find a man passed out behind the wheel and a near empty bottle of vodka in the seat beside him.

The Trooper tapped on the window and the driver woke up, seeing the rotating lights in his rear view mirror and the State Policeman standing next to his car, the man panicked.  He jerked the gearshift into drive and hit the gas. The car’s speedometer was showing 20–30–40 then 50 MPH but it was still stuck in the snow.

The Trooper, having a sense of humor, began running in place next to the speeding, but still stationary car.  The driver was totally freaked, thinking the Officer was actually keeping up with him.  This goes on for about 30 seconds when the Trooper yelled at the man ordering him to “PULL OVER!”.  The driver obeyed, turned the wheel, and stopped the engine.

Once out of the car the drunken driver asked about the Trooper’s special training and just how he could possibly run 50 MPH.  The man was arrested, still believing that a Trooper had outrun his car.

 

Ciao

Sawadee Khrap

I was just going through some old photos and here’s a great shot I made while visiting the “The Red Rose” motel in Chiang Rai last year.  I thought this was really funny but very appropriate for a ‘short time hotel’ as the Red was then. 

Now place has been completely redone and in my mind, nothing of its former glory. No longer touted as a short timer, It’s now a “family theme motel”, tame and not as exciting – unless you take your kids there, I’m sure they will enjoy it.   We liked it the first time we went but there were many choices to choose from for room themes – some adult in nature – times change, businesses need to cater to a different audience.

Nothing like telling it as it is – “Love Catcher”

Here the older post link to the former glory of the “Red Rose”

Ciao

Sawadee Khrap

A man was in a coma. he had been in it for months. Nurses were in his room giving him a bed bath. One of them was washing his private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched him there.

They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement.

They went to his partner and explained what happened, telling him, ‘As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little ‘0ral sex’ will do  the trick & bring him out of the coma.’

The partner was skeptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy.  The partner finally agreed and went into his spouse’s room. After a few minutes the guy’s monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run back into the room. ‘What happened!?’ they cried.

The partner said,  ‘I’m not sure; maybe he choked.

NEVER ASSUME THAT EVERYONE UNDERSTAND.

Ciao

Here’s one from Jerry:

Poke and prod the spider with your mouse , also ‘grab’ one of its legs with your mouse and drag it around the screen– 

Tell me it’s not alive!

When you grab one of his legs, twirl him around a couple of times and then “fling” him off the page.  Watch and he’ll crawl back onto the page somewhere. Also anywhere on the map hit the space bar and it leaves little bugs, watch the spider go after it, this is totally crazy and creepy too! Do several in a row and he gets them all!

—– SPIDER —-

Ciao

Sawadee Khrap

First a little humor:

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that ‘Captain Marvel has asked me to announce that he’ll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.’

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn’t moved a muscle. ‘Perhaps you didn’t hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.’

She calmly turned her head and said, ‘In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one.’

To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat,

 
‘Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I’m called a Queen, so I out rank you. Tray-up, Bitch.

Now the serious stuff:

Check out American Airlines Rainbow policy.

and another article:

Commerical Closet: American Airlines Flies First Gay Print Ads.

just thought I give credit where credit is due.

Ciao

Sawadee Khrap

Always check the fine print

Johnny wanted to screw a guy in his office…..but he belonged to someone else…

One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to him and said I’ll give you a $1000 dollars if you let me screw you….but the guy said NO.

Johnny said I’ll be fast, I’ll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, I’ll be finished by the time you pick it up. He thought for a moment and said that he would have to consult his boyfriend…..so he called his boyfriend and told him the story. His boyfriend says to ask him for $2000 dollars, pick up the money very fast, he won’t even be able to get his pants down.

So he agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his boyfriend to call. Finally after 45 mins the boyfriend calls and asks what happened……

He said “The bastard used coins”

Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal in it’s entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed.

Ciao

Sawadee Khrap

Getting Old

There was a man who really took care of his body.  One day he took a look in the mirror and noticed that he was tan all over except for his penis.  So he decided to do something about it.  He went to the beach and got completely undressed and buried himself in the sand except for his penis, which he left sticking out.

Two old ladies were strolling along the beach, one using a cane.  Upon seeing the thing sticking up out of the sand, she began to move it around with her cane, remarking to the other lady, “There is no justice in this world.” The other lady asked what she meant.

 “Well, when I was 20, I was curious about it. 
  When I was 30, I enjoyed it.
  When I was 40, I asked for it.
  When I was 50, I paid for it.
  When I was 60 I prayed for it.
  When I was 70, I forgot all about it. 
  Now I’m 80 and the damn things are growing wild and I am do old to squat!”

Ciao