Sawadee Khrap

Here's a good one from Paul’s Sunday Funnies:

A couple of guys went for a walk in the Sydney Zoo.  They came across a gorilla and were fascinated that the gorilla had a massive erection.  One of the guys just couldn't bear it any longer, and reach in the cage to touch it.  The gorilla grab him, dragged him into the cage and mated with him for two hours non-stop, while the zoo attendants helplessly stood by.   When he was done, the gorilla threw the guy out of the cage.  Still alive but badly beaten and in a coma, they called an ambulance and the guy was taken away to the hospital.  A week later, after he came out of the coma, his friend visited him in the hospital and asked, 'Are you hurt?'       'AM I HURT?' he shouted; 'Wouldn't you be? ..he hasn't called,..he hasn't written..!!!!'

modified a little  -

Ciao

Sawadee Khrap

Thanks Jerry for the advance notice of the new branch of the “Dentist of Jaipur” right here in Pattaya. For those of us on a strict income this could be a God-sent.  I have my account at Ocean Dental but if the Baht keeps climbing and the weak dollar – well I just won’t be able to keep throwing money away for such expensive luxuries.

*******  click on the picture to see the full story *******

Ciao

Sawadee Khrap

Thanks Jerry for this enlightening report – clearly a Gov’t cover-up.

Ciao

Sawadee Khrap

He was in ecstasy, a huge smile on his face, as his wife moved forwards, then backwards, forward, then backwards again....back and forth ...back and forth ...in and out ...in and out.   She could feel the sweat on her forehead and between her breasts and trickling down the small of her back,she was getting near to the end. Her heart was pounding, her face was flushed, then she moaned, softly at first, then louder.    Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted.  

Sawadee Khrap

I boarded an aircraft at London’s Heathrow Airport for New York and as I was taking my seat , I noticed a very gorgeous young man boarding the plane.  Then I realized he was heading straight toward my seat and bingo – he took the seat right beside me.      "Hello", I blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"

He turned, smiled enchantingly and said, "Business. I'm going to the annual LGBT convention in the United States."   I swallowed hard.  Here was the sexiest guy I had ever seen sitting next to me, and he was going to a meeting for Gays!

Struggling to maintain my composure, I calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"  "Lecturer," he responded. "I use my experience to debunk some popular myths about sexuality."  

"Really", I smiled, "what myths are those?"   "Well," he explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.    Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent.   I have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish."

Suddenly he became uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," he said. "I really shouldn't be discussing this with you; I don't even know your name!"

"Tonto," I

Sawadee Khrap

Thanks Degs for this timely message – true, true

Ciao

Sawadee Khrap

A male and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship.  The male recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.

He said to the female: "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.

Soon, however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female: "Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."

At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him.  "Look," she said: "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."

Thanks to Paul’s Sunday Funnies:

Ciao

Sawadee Khrap

Haven’t posted lately and Kevin sent me this good story – so I thought I would share:

A guy is walking along Pattaya Beach and a fantastic-looking hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker: "How much do you charge?"   The Hooker replies: "It starts at 1500 Baht for a hand-job."

The guy says: "At today's rates that's $50 dollars? For a hand-job? Holy crap! No hand-job is worth that kind of money!"   The hooker says: "Do you see that Bar on the corner?"   "Yes"   "Do you see the Bar about a block further down?"   "Yes"  "And beyond that, do you see that third Bar?"  "Yes"   "Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly, "I own those and I own them because I give a hand-job that's worth 1500 Baht."

So the guy says, "What the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try."  They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he has just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $50. He is so amazed, he says, "I suppose a blow-job is $100 ?"

The hooker replies, "6,000 Baht."   "I wouldn't pay that for a blow-job!"  The hooker replies, "Step over here to the window, big boy. Do you see that Shopping Center just across the street? I own that building outright

Sawadee Khrap

Thanks Kevin for letting me know about this latest crusade – makes sense - I think it will work:

click on the image

Ciao

Sawadee Khrap

WOW, I must be spending too much time on the beach and not watching enough TV – I’ve been missing the funniest show I have seen – “Just for laughs – Gags”   Here is one of the series from posted on YouTube:  Click on the image to view the movie.

This one was viewed by over 44 million people  ******  And I just saw it.  Gott’a stay home more often and stay tuned.  In any event , you have to check them out  if you haven't seen them before – just search YouTube for more.    Don’t miss out like I did.

Ciao

Sawadee Khrap

Here’s one from Paul’s Sunday Funnies for our friend Pat from Ireland visiting here in Pattaya.

An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks.  An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick.

"No," replied the Irishman.   "I've lost all me luggage!" "How'd that happen?"    "The cork fell out!" said the Irishman.

Hey Pat, I know you are having a great time here and look forward to seeing all your photos taken this trip – Looks like we may be planning another trip to Nong Nooch, with some boys of course – stay tuned for photos.

Ciao

Sawadee Khrap

Another great article from Paul:

The Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to Wyoming  ranchers for controlling the coyote population.  It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true methods of shooting and/or trapping the predators, the tree- huggers had a 'more humane' solution.

What they proposed was for the animals to be captured alive, the males would then be castrated and let loose again. Therefore the population would be controlled. This was ACTUALLY proposed to the Wyoming Wool and Sheep Grower's Association by the Sierra Club and the USFS.

All of the ranchers thought about this amazing idea for a couple of minutes. Finally, an old boy in the back of the conference room stood up, tipped his hat back and said, 'Son, I don't think you understand our problem. Those coyotes ain't fuckin' our sheep - they're ‘eatin em!' You should have been there to hear the roar of laughter.

Ciao

Sawadee Khrap

Here are two I really like from the latest Paul’s Sunday Funnies (check older post to subscribe):

Now here's a guy who on his 70th birthday, got a gift certificate from his partner. The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on the Pima Indian reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction. After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his certificate to the medicine man and nervously awaited what would happen next.  The old man slowly and methodically produced a potion, handed it to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned, "This is powerful medicine and it must be respected.  You take only a teaspoonful and then say '1-2-3.'   When you do that, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform as long as you want."

Wow, he was encouraged.  As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the action of the medicine?"    "Your partner must say  '1-2-3-4,' " he responded, "but  when they do, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."

He was so eager to see if it worked he went right home, showered, shaved, fluffed up the three remaining hairs he had on his head, put on lots of cologne, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his partner to

Sawadee Khrap

A friend of mine in the Philippines just sent me his boyfriends latest tale of hardship – have a boyfriend here in Thailand – just change the peso to Baht and wait – calamity happens everywhere.

Dear Thomas , I love and miss you so much. Now I have big pomprem. I tell you before that my buffalo me sick. Now it die. Fall down dead in middle of rice field. but, when it fall, it land on Papa and break him leg in three places. Now he not work. Brother me make stretcher from bamboo he take from loof of house. Now roof collapse and rain get in house. Brother she take Papa to hospital on motocycle. She have accident coming home. Run into police car. Brother me to blame. Police say we have to pay big money. Motocycle OK. Police car no good. Now give Mama have heart pomprem. Doctor say she need triple bypass. I not understand what is, he say you know. If you not help me I have to go bom bom with many, foreigners to pay bill.

The old people in my village in Roxas say it all your fault. If you  give me  money to buy medicine for sick buffalo when I ask you, then it not die, Papa not break leg, house still have loof, brother not ride into police car and Mama not have heart

Sawadee Khrap

Experience has it’s rewards:

A new young rooster arrived at the chicken coop and struts over to the old rooster and says, 'OK old fart, time for you to retire.'  The old rooster replies, 'Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens.  Look what it has done to me!  Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?'  The young rooster says, 'Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over.'

The old rooster says, 'I tell you what, young stud.  I will race you around the farmhouse.  Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop.'  The young rooster laughs.  'You know you don't stand a chance, old man.   So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start.'   The old rooster takes off running.  About 5 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him.  They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap.  He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast.

The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by.  The Old Rooster is squawking and running as hard as he can.  The Farmer grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - he blows the young rooster to bits.

The farmer sadly shakes his